mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
