4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
