forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
