I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
