she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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