this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
