I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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