Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
