im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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