I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
