She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
