Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Small penises have feelings too.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
