You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
