I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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