she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
