I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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