I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
