I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
