I heard we made out
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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