Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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