ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
