dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
