Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we're making bets on your personal life
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
