You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
