You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
