At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
