I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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