he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
