fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
