I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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