found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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