i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
