I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
