i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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