Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
