Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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