drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
