I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
