You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
