Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
