Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
