There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
