the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
