My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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