i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
