I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
