he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
