i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Randomize
