so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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