How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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