Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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