My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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