You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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